Fatherhood and Loss: How losing my Dad changed me as a father

Fatherhood and Loss: How losing my Dad changed me as a father

By Eugene Gutierrez

I’m very fortunate to say that I had a great relationship with my Father growing up  – first as a child, and then as a teen during key formative years, and then as an adult, married with a family of my own. As an adult, there’s a special shift that happens in that “father and son” relationship – you begin to see each other more as equals, as men with common interests and similar experiences, grounded in deep respect for one another. In the case of me and my father, we started seeing each other more as best friends and close confidantes to one another; a new journey in our relationship, enjoying every minute and opportunity to spend quality time together…

That journey came to a sudden end on November 27, 2017. My father was tragically killed due to an industrial mining accident. He was 59.

I still remember my mom’s voice when she delivered the news: “Your dad was underground. There was an accident…Daddy is dead.”

I immediately collapsed on the ground and let out a bloodcurdling cry. The pain searing in my heart – denial setting in so deeply, wanting so much to wake up from this terrible nightmare. The sudden death of my father – a workplace fatality– was a scenario I never imagined happening. I literally saw him a couple of days ago, Skyping with him and my mother along with my kids prior to the incident.

And now he’s gone. Just like that.

It’s been six months later since his tragic passing, and I’m still trying my hardest to continue moving forward. It’s hard. The pain, the scars, never heal. You just learn to manage it and learn to live with the void that always remains. I am still randomly triggered by things that remind me of my dad.

I miss him dearly. And with Father’s Day approaching, I’m missing him even more.

My dad was authentic. Never tried to be something he wasn’t. He possessed an amazing work ethic and a strong sense of duty. Always committed to his family and made sure we were supported and had everything we needed. His heart was always full with love. And he loved to smile and laugh. In turn, he also loved making people laugh and making them happy. He lived life on his terms and he certainly enjoyed his life. And I would dare say he lived a pretty full life despite passing so early in life.

So how has my father’s passing changed me?

His passing really cemented the mantra of living and enjoying life each and every day. Making every second count.

We don’t get to choose when we leave this world. Make as many memories as you can and spend the time with the people that matter the most: your family and friends. For they are the ones that are most impacted when you are gone.

As a father, I think of all the wonderful experiences I had with my father; experiences that I want my kids to have with me. And in turn, I think about the experiences I won’t ever get to have with my dad. And for the things I won’t get to do with him, those become things I aspire to do with my kids as they get older.

But more importantly, as a father, he made me think about what I’d want to leave behind for my kids – want I want instilled in them. And it would be what my father instilled in me:

Family comes first – make sure to support them, provide for them, look after them. Work hard – do things right the first time and don’t half-ass anything. Be yourself. And don’t take life too seriously – remember to have fun. And always know that I love you.

Even though my father isn’t physically around anymore, I know I carry him always within my heart. I know that as I look to raise my children, I intend to channel my father’s spirit and raise them with the same love and care he demonstrated to me and my sister.

To all the fathers: fatherhood is truly a gift and a privilege. It is such an amazing role that we get to take on in life.

You are an incredible force in the lives of your children. To you, I wish you an early Happy Father’s Day.

Live life and laugh often.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you forever.